Knock, Knock Jokes, & Birthin' Babies by: Big

We love to read in our house. Big's favourite passtime, next to playing Star Wars or Spiderman, is to read. Books are always scattered around and we are often found cuddled up on the couch. Earlier in the year, Big and I attended the Family Literacy Night at his school and when we visited the table with book suggestions for boys I picked up a title that was the most age appropriate. It was a knock, knock book. Well, that went over very well. Big lauged his head off at all of the humerous puns and was trying his best to recite them back. I made sure that on our next trip to the public library, joke books would be on the menu, along with the usual repitoire of Spiderman or Star Wars (May the force be with you!).

As time went on, Big's ability to deliver the punch line improved. Although, he still struggles with the knock-knock joke that involves a banana and an orange. You know the one:
Knock- Knock
Who's there?
Banana
Banana who?
Knock-Knock
Who's there?
Banana
Banana Who? and so it continues until you say Orange.
Orange who? Orange you glad I didn't say Banana!
In his defence, my mother can't tell that joke either! Oh Mom!

Fast forward a few weeks plus several knock-knock and joke books later, and we find ourselves on a Monday evening. I am preparing to teach a private Lamaze series to an expectant couple. I have been a certified Lamaze Educator for 3 years now, and have always taught private or group sessions in my home. Big is very familiar with the routine and has always enjoyed welcoming the clients to the house. This night was no different. My husband was trying to settle Little into bed, so Big was playing on the main level while waiting for his dad to collect him and put him to bed. Unfortunately, on this night, Little was putting up a fight and my husband was detained for longer then he planned. It wasn't long before Big started to creep down the stairs and ask to watch me while I taught. I said that was fine as long as he was quiet. Silly me!

Soon my little side kick had crept his way from the stairs to my side in order to 'help me' with the class. Since that was tolerated (only because daddy was still upstairs having been taken hostage by Little) Big thought it would also be okay to share some jokes with his new friends. As I am trying to explain the physiological and emotional changes they can expect during labour, Big pipes up with a knock- knock joke:
Big: "Hey Guys. Knock-Knock"
I of course give him 'the look', but the parents to be find him charming and buy into this entire routine, so they respond with "Whos there?"
"Dwayne"
"Dwayne who?"
"Dwayne the bathtub, I'm dwowning"

We all chuckle and I thank him for the joke and attempt to send him back to the stairs to be quiet. Big, of course, was just getting started.

"Knock-Knock"
"Who's there?"
"Police"
"Police Who?"
"Police open up, it's freezing out here"

"Thank you Big. Now it really is time to go back and be quiet". I apologized to the clients, who still find my son so charming, polite and handsome (all of which he is, but the point of the gathering was to talk birth, not swap knock-knock jokes).

To his credit, Big took the hint and retreated back to the stairs rather quickly. Unfortunately my husband was still dealing with Little who was continuing to scream his head off because mommy was unavailable to give him her magic boobie. Mildly distracted by the screaming upstairs and the interruptions by Big, we press on through our content. Then it seems like the next time I turn around, Big is back beside me. This time though he is interrupting me to explain what he is seeing on the chart that I am using to describe the stages of labour.

"Oh, that orange spikey line makes the mommy crazy". Huh? What are you talking about? So I look at the chart and notice that the lines that represent a contraction are orange and very spikey, indicating transition. So I say to Big, "You are right. This part of labour is very difficult, and sometimes we feel a little crazy during the intense part of birth, it's really hard work. Thank you for your contribution to the class little helper, now away you go".

But wait, he was not done yet. He decides at that point that a demonstration is in order to teach this couple how babies are born. So, he picks up the baby doll and the pelvis skeleton that I use as a teaching aid, turns to the mom and says "Don't worry. The baby just goes down like this (he puts the baby in head first, which I thought was great!), and they come out very gently". He was so honest and sincere with this comment that I had to chuckle, hug him and send him on his way again.

I then turned to the couple and apologized again for the interruptions. Big went back upstairs, and I thought for sure that the comments and interruptions from the peanut gallery were finally finished. I could hear the footsteps of a free man making their way down the stairs to collect his other son and put him to bed. However, before the teachers helper was tucked tightly into bed with no ability to escape we heard him whisper:

"Hey Guys. What do teeth ride down the highway? Molarcycles!"
Hahahahah!